Time Turner
by Aoife Malfoy
Summary: HPDM Slash. AU. No HBP Spoilers. Love hurts when the one you love, loves someone else.


**_This is what I do best..._**  
**Title:** Time Turner  
**Author:** Aoife Malfoy  
**Pairing:** H/D  
**Rating:** PG-13 for language  
**Genre:** Angst  
**Word Count:** 4,568  
**Summary:** Love hurts when the one you love, loves someone else.

_The Burrow. November 13, 1999._

He ran full tilt into the darkness, stumbling against shrubbery, scraping and skinning his hands as he groped his way through. Not even stopping to cast a Lumos for fear of being found. He had always been shite at being unnoticeable but yet he scrambled to try this time.

"Draco! Draco! Come out will you? This is ridiculous!" He heard Harry calling out, his thundering footsteps falling and echoing into the eerie silence of the forest behind the Burrow.

Draco only ran faster, knowing this would alert his pursuer of his location but no longer caring that this was so. He needed to get out of here! He couldn't face him! He was so intent on that thought that he was completely taken off guard when a solid body rushed at him from the left and tackled him to the ground. 

"What the hell, Draco?" Harry growled as he pinned down his elusive friend at last.

"Get off me, Potter!" He snarled from his position on the ground.

"No! Not until you tell me why the fuck you ran out on me like that!" Harry spat as he grabbed the Slytherin's flailing wrists and held them on either side of his head.

"It's nothing!" Draco vehemently protested, feeling more than a little trapped by their positioning. "Go back to your Weasel Queen! It's nothing that concerns you."

Shaking his head in incredulity, Harry shot back. "Liar! You looked as if you got indigestion the minute we announced our engagement then the second our backs were turned, you steal away into the night. Did you really think I wouldn't notice you leave?"

Laughing at the absurdity of that claim, Draco thrashed anew. "That has got to be the most asinine thing that has ever left your lips, Potter! And believe me that's quite the statement, given your history of stupid outbursts! Because yes, Potty! I did believe you wouldn't notice me leave, actually it was the one time I was relying on your obliviousness! Sometimes I really wish I was as invisible as you make me feel."

"What the hell are you talking about, Draco?" Harry cried in frustration, unable to fathom just why Draco, whom he had come to acknowledge as one of his closest friends after the War, would react so weirdly to the news of his impending marriage to his on-again, off-again girlfriend. "Please tell me! Have I done something wrong? Are you mad I didn't tell you about it sooner?" Harry pleaded with the blond, unable to stand the thought of Draco shutting him out. Not after all they've been through. "Maybe I should have pulled you aside." He chastised himself.

Sighing, Draco relaxed in Harry's grip, too tired to maintain his useless attempts at escape. Harry was a good two stone heavier than him. He could've never thrown off the gangly git. "As I said, it's nothing. It'll pass. I guess I just don't like it when things change. Change hasn't really bided well for me, you know." Draco tilted his head to the side, unable to look into those green eyes that were looking at him beseechingly.

"Look I know change is scary and you're right, things probably won't be the same." Harry halted at the flinch Draco gave at that admission. "But different doesn't have to necessarily mean bad. I'm sure our friendship could survive my marriage. Hell Draco! It's survived everything else." He insisted with a smile.

Sighing loudly, Draco retorted wearily. "Alright, I guess that's true. But I just don't understand why you suddenly decided to get married. You never mentioned it before and certainly not with her. I didn't think you were that serious about her."

Harry shrugged nonchalantly, "To be honest neither did I but I figured it was time. I mean I'm happy enough and I know she loves me. So what else is there really? Everyone's happy this way."

_Except me._ Draco thought sadly but he quickly schooled his features into its usual mask lest his true feelings unconsciously slip out. Even though Harry was usually as oblivious as a blind bat, the git still had his astute moments. "I see your logic." He forced himself to consent slightly.

"Are you sure?" Harry asked him once more, wanting to ease the distress that still lingered on his friend's face.

Resigning himself to this, Draco nodded firmly. "Now let me up, you're not as dainty as you look, Potter!"

Chucking in relief, Harry quickly sat up and dusted himself off. "So what's all this Potter stuff then? What happened to Harry?" He teased with a grin.

Shrugging nonchalantly, Draco replied. "It's nothing. Bad habit." He shrugged nonchalantly, praying his friend would leave it at that and not bring up the fact that it had actually been years since he'd last called Harry that.

To Draco's immense relief, Harry just grinned goofily at him as he slung an arm around his shoulders. "Come on. Let's go back in then. Your little marathon has left me starving!"

Draco allowed this for awhile as he let himself be led back quietly to the house. It was only when they caught sight of the Burrow's shoddy roof and they were almost out of the forest when he halted abruptly and wouldn't move an inch even when Harry continued to walk ahead.

"It should have been me." He said firmly. Finally deciding that even though he knew he had no chance in hell, he would at least come clean at last. It was now or never. No matter if it was too late. Even if it wouldn't change anything, he had to know and Harry deserved to understand.

"What?" Harry asked in confusion as he turned to look back quizzically at his friend.

"The person you care about the most, who you'll protect until your last breath like the true Gryffindor you are, the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, the person you place above all else. That should have been me. After all, I was the one who cared enough about you to rescue your sorry arse in that last desperate mission. I was the one who spent all of his time in the infirmary having a daily aneurysm while you slept in a coma after defeating old Moldypants. I'm the one who would give anything, forsake anyone, just so that I could be the one to make you smile. It's always been me," He said sadly as he looked away from that beloved confused face. "I wanted it to be me." Then without waiting to hear an answer because really the alarmed silence was answer enough, Draco turned and began to slowly walk away with as much dignity as his broken heart and shattered pride would allow.

"Wait! Draco! I-" Harry began to call out but he was soon cut off ruthlessly.

"Don't! Harry! Just leave it." Draco shook his head fervently, not turning to look back at the Gryffindor lest he lose what little composure he had and throw himself at the boy and beg for him to love _him_, to choose _him_ like he had always done for the git. He took a chance and now he knew with a clarity that was making it hard for him to breathe. Harry didn't love him. "If all you're going to say is how sorry you are and how you wish things could be different then just save it. You can't fix everything, Harry. Sometimes there are no magical fixes. Even I know that. I told you and now you know. That's enough."

"For what it's worth, I could have probably fallen for you too." Harry admitted softly, wanting desperately to erase the deadened look that was slowly seeping into Draco's eyes. "If I wasn't with Ginny, of course," Harry added on hastily.

"Of course. And thank you for rubbing that in," Draco spat snidely.

"I'm sorry! I just- This is just a shock to me, okay? I never thought in a million years that you'd feel that way about me." Harry protested. "I guess I'm not taking it too well."

Scoffing, Draco resumed his departure. "As I said, just leave it. There is nothing you can do."

"But I still want us to be friends! I couldn't live with myself if you started hating me again!" Harry pleaded with the offended Slytherin.

Letting out a sarcastic chuckle, Draco retorted, "How the hell can I hate you when I just told you I loved you, you stupid beautiful idiot? Look, I know it's a hard concept to grasp especially for the epitome of all things Gryffindor but I'll say it again, leave it be! There is nothing you can do or say to make this easier! You love her like I love you. You want her like I want you. The only difference in this is she loves you back while you couldn't give a niffler's arse about me. And that's alright because you deserve that, ok? Because the one thing I want more than I want you to be mine is for you to be happy, and with her you are, even I can see it. I'm not about to stand in the way of that."

"But I do care about you, Draco! You have to believe that. Maybe not the way that you want me to, but I do care. I don't want to hurt you and I-"

"What part of leave it don't you understand? I don't want to hear your tired excuses. I don't need to hear your pretty lies! Just go! Go back to her! Leave, before I take it all back and decide to succumb to the temptation of holding my friendship for ransom!" Draco snarled in rage.

Harry looked like he was about to protest yet again but a hard shove from the Slytherin stopped him.

"Just go. That's the kindest thing you can do right now."

Seeing that nothing he could do would help his friend, Harry began to turn away but before he could, he implored one last time. "I just don't want to lose you."

Throwing his head back in sarcastic laughter, Draco managed to choke out. "You are always in danger losing a lot of things in your heroic little life, Potter, but I have never been one of them."

"Thank you." Harry whispered sadly. He knew he didn't deserve it, wasn't worth that scrap of reassurance when he couldn't do the same for the blond but he still clung desperately to that promise. Draco meant too much for Harry to just let him slip away. "And I'm sorry."

Months had passed since that fateful autumn afternoon and one could hardly see the strain that revelation caused in their relationship. Draco remained true to his word, maintaining his friendship with Harry and even agreeing to be his best man since Ron couldn't be there to do the honors, having died shortly after the War had started.

Harry, for his part, jumped at every chance to spend time with Draco for after coming so close to loosing him, he wanted to be sure that his friend was indeed going nowhere. And all was well, wedding preparations were in full swing and everyone was happy. No one ever saw the times were Draco's gaze lingered a moment too long on Harry and a shadow of intense longing would slip into those grey eyes. Or the instances when the blond would sit in the corner of the room during those many Weasley shindigs, watching Harry interact with his adoptive family, with a mixture of happiness and regret. And if anybody did see these snags in the smooth grand scheme of things, no one said anything, probably for fear of the chaos that would ensue. 

So for a time everything was exactly as it should be. Harry and Draco remained the best of friends. Harry's wedding was fast approaching. The numbers of rogue Death Eaters were dwindling. It was peaceful. It was perfect. Life was still.

But of course that never lasts. Life is an ongoing, tumultuous thing. And if you were Harry Potter it had a tendency to knock you off your arse when you weren't looking which is why he was now flat on his back, shaking his head in desperate denial, furious tears in his eyes as he came to from a dead faint on what was supposed to be an ordinary boring Tuesday.

He looked up and saw Albus Dumbledore's weathered face peering down on him with evident concern.

"Harry? Are you alright? Perhaps you should lie down for a bit before we continue."

"No!" Harry growled. "I want to know everything! How could this happen? I just saw him earlier today and he was fine! We were supposed to meet later for drinks at the Leaky!"

"I'm sorry, Harry." Albus whispered, regret and sorrow shining in his old blue eyes. "No one could have predicted it. He wasn't even supposed to be on that mission and had only gone since he was in the room when they came with the tip and Draco wanted to join the reconnaissance team. We didn't even know that Bellatrix would be there. I'm so sorry, my boy."

"No!" Harry shouted in denial as he shook his head violently. Not him! Not her! Not again.

Sighing, Albus clapped a hand on the sobbing boy's shoulder. "There was nothing we could have done."

"This isn't true. I can't accept it. I just can't." Harry cried, "Can't you see? I already lost Ron, I can't lose Draco too."

"Harry, you know as well as I do, there is no coming back." Albus gripped the shaking boy's shoulders and looked at him square in the eye. "And even if there was, you wouldn't want him to come back like that anyway."

"This is a mistake! He's Draco Malfoy for fuck's sake! He can't just die like that!" Harry protested. "So uselessly? So senselessly? You don't understand. We had plans! We were supposed to grow old together. He was going to whinge at me all the time until he bullied me into getting better clothes. He was going to live right next door to me so we could have brunch together on Sundays! What about all that? Are you saying that won't ever happen?" Harry asked, desperation adding an edge to his already panicked voice. "He can't be dead. He just can't be."

"Would you like to see him, Harry?" Albus asked kindly, his heart breaking for his favorite student. If he had any choice, he would have gladly spared him another tragedy like this one. But alas, the fates were as always tempestuous and unkind, especially when it came to this boy.

Harry nodded shakily. "I have to."

And it was only when he was staring at Draco's still face, one that was devoid of half of its beauty because it wasn't animated with a thousand little expressions like it usually was, when he gazed at those closed eyes that would never open again and look at him, glare at him, and stare at him, when Harry had realized at last that he had lost him forever; it was only then that he was able to finally understand and admit to himself, that he was in love with a dead man.

Because how could he suffer this much loss, this much grief, this much regret if he didn't feel that way? He didn't experience even a tenth of this emotion when Ron died and he had naively thought then that was the most horrible thing that could happen to him. Apparently he was mistaken. For there were many people he could afford to lose and not be broken by it. Sirius, Ron, even Ginny. In fact, he had already lived without Ginny on more than one occasion during one of their break-ups. But he could not and he would not live without Draco.

He saw now how much of a fool he had been because Draco had always loved him and he had never really understood that. He knew back then that this man deserved all the love he was capable of and now that he was able to finally realize that it was within his grasp to give, he could no longer return it. And that hurt more than any scar, hex, wound, or death that he had ever experienced.

Harry sank slowly to the tiled floor. He could not do this. He couldn't live with himself. Especially knowing what could have been if he only realized sooner. If he only told him before…maybe then things would have been different. Maybe then his life would have been saved.

Suddenly an idea formed in his mind and he tightly held on to the hope that rose in his chest because of it. It could work. It happened before in their third year. Why not now when there was more at stake? If he had saved Sirius then why couldn't he save Draco now? He needed to do this. It wasn't even a question. Harry thought quickly. Hermione had one but it was from Professor McGonagall but that came from the Ministry. Obtaining one for himself would take forever with all the useless bureaucracy that would undoubtedly follow and Scrimgeour still disliked him strongly.

He closed his eyes in frustration. _It's impossible to make one._ He thought angrily. His mind was suddenly cast back to his fifth year, right when he was throwing things about in the headmaster's office. There was a Time Turner there! It was in one those cases amidst the other magical oddities cluttered around his office. He now only had to get a hold of it for he was sure Dumbledore wouldn't just hand it over if he asked. He had to do this! He had to go back to that day when Draco confessed his feelings so he could tell him too. All he needed to do was nab that Time Turner! And so with that plan formed in his mind, he went on about fulfilling it.

This was more important than any mission, any challenge even before the fall of Voldemort. This was about making things right again because a world without Draco was one of madness. 

------------------------------------------------------------------

Several days after Draco's funeral, Harry locked himself in his room at Grimmauld Place. He clutched his treasure in his hands tightly. He couldn't believe how easy it had been. All he had done was go to Hogwarts and pluck it out of the Headmaster's office. In fact, it had been a little too easy. A dark foreboding settled in the pit of his stomach. It was as if the old man knew what he meant to do and wasn't stopping him. Knowing Dumbledore, he probably did. The old coot really did know almost everything that went on in that school. Deciding to think about all this later, he quickly sat down on the bed. Then with trembling hands, he turned the artifact, making sure to count so that he would arrive at the exact date and time he wanted to be in.

_The Burrow. November 13, 1999._

Harry looked around with bated breath as his surroundings quickly melded into a variety of colors. Finally his surroundings stopped shifting and formed solidly into what seemed like a thick forest. Sagging in relief, Harry leaned heavily on the tree beside him. Suddenly his eyes caught a sight, he though he would never see again. A glimpse of platinum blond hair belonging to a boy who was sprinting haphazardly through the forest. Almost crying out in joy, Harry struggled to restrain himself. It would not do well if he barreled into the boy the same time his younger self would.

Instead he waited impatiently until he caught sight of his own messy black hair. Seizing this opportunity, he quickly crept up on his doppelganger, bound and silenced him without missing a beat. His younger self was looking back at him with such comic disbelief that Harry had to fight to keep his mirth from escaping. Reminding himself of the reason why he was here and what was at stake, he sobered immediately.

"Look, I don't know how much time I have so you better listen up. I am you a year from now. No, I am not a minion of evil or a polyjuiced Death Eater so stop trying to escape, you paranoid idiot! I have come back from my time to drill into your head something that has escaped both of our notices until just recently. That git you're hunting down right now? You're in love with him. Yes, I am sure so quit shaking your head. You are in love with Draco Malfoy. You- well- we've been in love with him for quite sometime but we were just too blind to see it. In a few minutes, I'm going to let you go. You are going to halt his progress and make him tell you why he ran away like that. He's going to tell you he loves you and you, lucky son of a bitch, are going to say you love him back!" Harry explained to his younger self, gripping his shoulders tightly as he did so.

Harry snarled when his younger self just kept shaking his head, a bewildered expression on his face. _Was I always this dense!_ He thought in frustration. "Listen, who is the last person you thought about before you went to sleep? It was Draco, right? You were thinking about how he would be proud of the formal robes you bought yesterday. How about the first person you thought of when you woke up today? That was Draco too and you were worried about how he might react to your announcement. Can't you see? He's always on your mind! Not just recently either but ever since you've known him! Even when you still hated him, you couldn't help but obsess over him! You love him. You always have." Harry said in earnest. 

Sighing with relief at the look of dawning comprehension on his captive's face, he prodded. "Do you understand now?" At the nod he received, Harry straightened, "Okay, I'm going to let you go now. The first thing you have to do is go after him. Don't think about me or try asking me things about the future. I'm already risking a lot in telling you this much. Just please don't let him leave without letting him know! You won't get this chance again."

Freed now from his magical restraints, his younger self picked himself off the floor. "Are you sure about this?"

Glaring at his junior self, Harry snarled. "Would I have risked the whole universe by travelling back through time and speaking to myself in the past if I wasn't one hundred percent sure? Think about it. I know you love Ginny but you're not really _in love_ with her. She doesn't challenge you the way Draco does and she'll never want you the way he does as well. Trust me when I say this, you'd be lost without him."

With a thoughtful look on his face, younger Harry nodded. "Somehow I've always known. I just never really got the chance to think about it and I wasn't even sure if he'd want it as well."

"He wants it. Believe me, he does. Now go! He might have reached the Apparition point already!" He urged him.

Nodding his understanding, his younger self began to sprint in determined search for the blond, he looked back only once and yelled over his shoulder, "Thanks!"

"Oh shite! Don't let Draco go on any missions on the fourth of August either!" Harry called out to his younger self who only waved in acknowledgment. He almost ran after the boy, but he was already tackling Draco to the ground.

Harry held his breath as he watched the two figures hash it out. All was going according to how he remembered it and he had almost lost all faith in his younger self when he saw him grab the babbling Draco and kiss him breathless. Harry smiled brilliantly, thinking that in a few minutes he'd be experiencing that as well. Then with a slight whirring sound of the machine in his hand, his surroundings shifted and he found himself once again sitting in his room at Grimmauld Place.

Leaping up from the bed, he bounded outside, laughing and running full tilt through the hallways. "Draco! Draco! Where are you, you blond git?" he called out with a jubilant laugh, wanting nothing more than to wrap his arms around his Slytherin and never let him go.

"Have you seen, Draco?" Harry wheezed breathlessly to a confused Hermione who was lounging in the living room.

"Er-well, he's outside. Same as always," Hermione answered with a concerned look. "Are you alright, Harry?" She asked apprehensively.

"Never better!" He called out with a laugh as he sped off outside, intent on finding his blond prey.

He was sprinting towards the double doors of the lanai when he encountered Professor Dumbledore. "Hi Professor!" He greeted the old man, without even questioning why exactly the headmaster was here if he did he'd probably be alarmed since he had stolen the Time Turner from him.

"Draco! You won't believe what I just went through for you, you beautiful idiot! Draco!" Harry called out as he burst through to the garden. "Dra-" His words died on his lips when he finally spied the same tombstone that was standing right where he last saw it.

Harry collapsed to the ground in shock and disbelief. How could this be? He had done everything in his power, even defying the laws of time and nature. He had tried his best that has always been enough. Why isn't it the same for this? Especially for this! He would have forsaken every single triumph, if he was granted this one victory.

"How could this happen? I told him not to let him go to any missions!" He snarled, furious at his past self.

"You didn't." a voice interrupted his angered ruminations. "In fact, you protested loudly when he wanted to go to that reconnaissance mission and Draco sulked all day because of it. He was actually coming home from a long solitary walk when it happened. A drunk driver swerved to miss another car and hit him. He didn't stand a chance." Albus Dumbledore explained sadly.

Harry cried into the unforgiving ground and cursed the callous skies." Why?" He whispered brokenly. Just why.

Sighing, Albus reached over and placed a comforting hand on the shivering wizard. "You know better than any man that some destinies cannot be changed, Harry," He explained truthfully. "No matter what you do. But it isn't all for naught, my boy, because one doesn't simply alter time and not change a single thing. Look into your heart and maybe you can find the strength to carry on." Albus said kindly.

Confused at the old man's damnable cryptic remarks, Harry closed his eyes and tried to focus beyond his pain. Dumbledore said that despite the outcome, he had still changed some things. He looked deep within his mind and what he found brought him once again to his knees because he found memories. Hundreds, even thousands of little memories of him and Draco kissing in the rain; writhing pleasurably together on a bed; having heated rows and torrid make-up sessions. Numerous occasions where they fought, laughed, and loved each other over and over again. He found he knew what the back of Draco's neck tasted like or how his toes curled inward when he came. He knew that Draco was always a delectable rumpled mess in the morning and how he sang love songs in the shower. He knew a million intimacies and more. But that was all. There will never be another kiss or a new memory. His chance had ended. It was over. Even cheating time could not change that.

His tears fell even faster, his grief now bitter sweet, and his undaunted spirit finally broken by one simple unforgiving truth that he could no longer deny.

Some things are just not meant to be. 

_Finite._

**AN:** This was actually supposed to have a happy ending but then it took over and wrote itself into this. sigh I swear I'm not evil and made out of stone! LOL

Loved it? Hate it? Comments are ♥


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